Doors, windows and locks
- Doors that stick, catch or have dropped on their hinges
- Locks, strike plates, handles and letterplates
- Sash windows painted shut, cords and balances
- Draught strips, thresholds and door closers
One man, one van, and a list you have to wait on.
I am Vern Corbett. I have been fixing the small things in Marbury houses since 2004, and in twenty-two years I have never advertised. Every job in the book came from somebody on the next street saying my name. That is also why you will wait two or three weeks.
- $70
- an hour
- $260
- half day
- $460
- full day
- 1 hour
- minimum charge
A back door on Bexley Street that had dropped a quarter inch in twelve years.
- Since 2004, on my ownTwenty-two years, no second crew, no apprentice you have never met
- 4,100 jobs in the bookWritten down the evening I finish them, which is where the list below comes from
- Insured to $2 millionPublic liability, certificate in the door pocket. Lic. #000000 (sample)
- Booking two to three weeks outLeaks, broken glass and doors that will not lock go to the front of the queue
What an hour costs, before you ring me.
Nobody should have to phone a stranger to find out whether their job is worth his time. Here is the whole of it, and the last twenty invoices are further down so you can check I mean it.
$70
an hour
After the first hour I bill in fifteen minute steps, not rounded up to the next hour.
$260
half day, up to four hours
Past three and a half hours this is cheaper than the clock, so I move you onto it without being asked.
$460
full day, up to eight hours
Bigger jobs run across days at this rate. A deck strip and reboard is usually one.
One hour is the smallest invoice I write
If your job takes twenty minutes it still costs $70, because the driving and the parking take longer than the work. So do what everyone on my list does: write the other four things down and we will fill the hour properly while I am there.
Materials at cost. The merchant receipt is stapled to the invoice. I make nothing on a box of screws.
No callout fee in the six towns below. Past Crowmarsh, $40 travel, and only on jobs of half a day or more.
Everything in the van has a place, which is the only reason one man can do four jobs in a day.
Six pages of the notebook, and six things I turn down.
If your job is not on either list, send it anyway. In twenty-two years the answer has usually been yes.
Shelves, mounting and handrails
- Floating shelves into brick, block or studs
- Televisions, mirrors, curtain poles and blinds
- Handrails and grab rails fixed into something solid
- Anything that has to end up level and stay there
Fences, gates and decks
- Fence boards, rails, posts and gate latches
- Gate posts dug out and concreted back in
- Deck boards replaced, joists checked underneath
- Shed roofs, shed doors and rotten frames
Taps and small plumbing
- Mixer taps, isolators, wastes and traps
- Toilets that run, fill valves and flush handles
- Shower heads, hoses and bath sealant runs
- Outside taps where the pipe is already there
Walls, ceilings and patching
- Plaster patches, filling and sanding back flat
- One wall or one room painted, not a whole house
- Skirting, architrave and beading replaced
- Ceiling roses, loft hatches and trap doors
Assembly and heavy things
- Flatpack built properly and anchored to the wall
- Furniture moved between rooms or floors
- Old furniture broken down and run to the tip
- Garage and loft sorted out into something usable
What I will tell you to ring somebody else about
A handyman who says yes to everything is a handyman who has not done this long enough. I keep an electrician, a plumber and a roofer in my phone and I will text you their numbers the same day.
- Anything on gasBoilers, hobs, fires and the pipe that feeds them. That is a licensed gas fitter, every time.
- New circuits and the panelI will swap a light fitting or a socket face. I will not add a circuit or open the panel.
- Roofs above one storeyIf it needs scaffolding or a roof ladder it needs a roofer. Gutters and shed roofs I do.
- Whole kitchens and bathroomsA week of work, three trades and a skip. I will happily fix one thing in either of them.
- Asbestos, anywhereOlder garage roofs and artex ceilings get a test before anyone touches them, and not by me.
- Tree workI will take a branch off a fence. Anything needing a chainsaw and a rope is a tree surgeon.
The last twenty jobs, street by street.
Straight out of the invoice book: what it was, whose street it was on, how long I was there and what it came to. Find the one that looks like yours and you already know your number.
Filter by the kind of job
20 jobs
Middle of the range: 2 hours on site, $140 of labour
This week
Back door dropped on its hinges, planed at the bottom corner and rehung
Bexley Street, MarburyDoors and locks
On site1 hr 30 min
$105
Three oak shelves into the brick of an alcove, all on one line
Cressy Road, BraytonShelves and mounting
On site2 hours
$140
Kitchen mixer tap swapped out, the old one seized solid at the nuts
Amberley Close, MarburyTaps and plumbing
On site1 hr 30 min
$105
Wardrobe built and strapped to the wall, then a bed frame in the same room
Sattler Street, HeskethAssembly and lifting
On site3 hours
$210
Gutters cleared front and back, one downpipe bracket replaced
Pinfold Street, MarburyOutside and gutters
On site2 hours
$140
Last week
Six fence boards renewed and a side gate that had stopped latching
Corley Lane, Gaddis MillFences and decks
On site4 hours
$260Half day rate
Two plaster patches where a radiator came off, filled, sanded and painted in
Dockett Street, MarburyWalls and patching
On site3 hr 30 min
$245
Sash window painted shut since the nineties, freed off and balanced
Mowbray Lane, StaplefordDoors and locks
On site2 hr 30 min
$175
Television onto the chimney breast, cables boxed into trunking below it
Ivybank Road, CrowmarshShelves and mounting
On site2 hours
$140
Toilet running all night, new fill valve and a clean of the seat
Quarry Row, MarburyTaps and plumbing
On site1 hour
$70
Two weeks ago
Upright piano moved from the front room to the garage, neighbour on the other end
Salter Avenue, MarburyAssembly and lifting
On site2 hours
$140
Deck boards lifted, joists checked for rot, eleven boards replaced and oiled
Haldane Road, BraytonFences and decks
On site8 hours
$460Full day rate
Two internal doors trimmed to clear a new carpet, edges sealed
Yardley Street, MarburyDoors and locks
On site1 hr 30 min
$105
Hole in the hall wall from a door handle, patched and the colour matched
Tulip Row, HeskethWalls and patching
On site1 hour
$70
Shed roof felt stripped back to the boards and replaced
Redd Street, Gaddis MillOutside and gutters
On site5 hours
$330
Three weeks ago
Handrail down the cellar steps, fixed into the joists rather than the plaster
Grist Mill Road, StaplefordShelves and mounting
On site2 hours
$140
Front door lock changed after a move, strike plate reset to suit
Dell Street, MarburyDoors and locks
On site1 hour
$70
Shower head and hose renewed, then the bath sealant run cut out and redone
Brander Avenue, CrowmarshTaps and plumbing
On site1 hr 30 min
$105
Office desk and two chairs built, old desk broken down and taken to the tip
Lampitt Road, MarburyAssembly and lifting
On site2 hr 30 min
$175
Gate post rotted through at the base, new post dug in and concreted
Sexton Street, BraytonFences and decks
On site3 hours
$210
Those are labour figures straight off the invoices. Materials go on separately at what the merchant charged me, with the receipt stapled to the invoice. I add the jobs the evening I finish them, so the twenty here are genuinely the last twenty.
Six towns, and all of them inside half an hour of the van.
The van does about eleven thousand miles a year, which for a working van is nothing. That is deliberate. Short drives are why a two hour job costs two hours.
- MarburyHome townWhere I live and where most of the book is
- Brayton9 minutesOver the level crossing, second most common address
- Gaddis Mill12 minutesMostly fences, sheds and gates out there
- Hesketh14 minutesNewer estates, so a lot of assembly and mounting
- Stapleford18 minutesOlder stock, sash windows and cellar steps
- Crowmarsh22 minutesThe edge of it. Half day jobs and up out here
Outside those six I will still come for half a day or more, with $40 travel on the invoice. For an hour at the far end of the county you are better off with somebody local, and I will say so.
The second van in twenty-two years. The first one did 260,000 miles around these same six towns.
Three from last month, with the invoice attached.
Corley Lane, Gaddis Mill
Six boards had gone soft at the bottom rail and the side gate had stopped latching. Half a day, $260, and the two posts either side were sound so they stayed.
Ivybank Road, Crowmarsh
Blinds in two bedrooms and a television on the chimney breast, with the cables boxed in underneath rather than left hanging. Two hours, $140.
Amberley Close, Marbury
Both nuts seized on a tap that had been there since the house was built. An hour and a half, $105, and I left the old one in the garage because she wanted the handles.
Twenty-two years, and I still write it in the book.
I spent eleven years as a joiner on other people’s building sites before I bought the first van in 2004. The plan was to do it until something better came along. Four thousand one hundred jobs later it has not.
What you actually get for the wait is memory. I know the house on Amberley Close with the awkward loft hatch, so the short ladder comes off the rack before I knock. I know which three houses on Quarry Row have the old stopcock under the floorboard in the hall. I know whose dog has to go in the kitchen first. None of that is on a website. It is just what happens when the same man keeps coming back.
How the list actually works
1Send me the job and a photo of it
A photo saves a visit on about four jobs in five. I read them in the evening after tea, not while I am up a ladder.
2You get a price and a week, by text
Within two working days: the hours I think it will take, what that comes to, and which week I can get there. If I think it is a twenty minute job, I will say so.
3I turn up on the morning I said
Same van, same man, usually between eight and half past. If I am running late you get a text, not silence.
Water, glass or a door that will not lock goes to the front, same day or first thing the next. Everybody behind moves by a day, and one day I will be moving you.
Nine years, and she has never chased me.
Sample reviews, for illustration
“He rehung our back door in an hour and then spent ten minutes showing me how to adjust it myself next winter. We have been on his list for nine years and I have never once chased him.”
“We waited three weeks and it was worth it. He arrived at ten past eight, put a dust sheet down before he opened the toolbox, and the gate has not dropped since.”
“Vern knows ours is the awkward loft hatch on this street and brings the short ladder without being asked. After all these years that is the whole thing, really.”
Six things people ask before they send the first message.
Three weeks is a long time. Can you not come sooner?
For a leak, a broken window or a door that will not lock, yes, same day or the next morning, and everyone behind you moves by a day. For a shelf, no. The list is the reason the work is any good, and jumping it for everybody would end it.
What if my job takes twenty minutes?
It still costs $70, because the driving and the parking take longer than the job. The sensible thing is to save the small ones up. Most people on my list have four or five things written on the back of an envelope by the time I get there, and that fills the hour properly.
Do you charge to come and look?
No, and most of the time I do not need to. Send a photo and the measurements you can reach and I will price it from that. If it needs a look I come on a Friday afternoon, which is the half day I keep for exactly this.
Who buys the materials?
Either of us. If I buy them they go on the invoice at what the merchant charged me, with the receipt stapled to it, and there is no markup on top. If you would rather buy them yourself, I will send you the list and the sizes.
Are you insured, and can I see it?
Two million public liability, and the certificate lives in the door pocket of the van. Ask and I will photograph it and text it to you before I come. Lic. #000000 (sample).
Do you work evenings or weekends?
Monday to Friday, eight until half past four. One Saturday morning a month is kept for people who genuinely cannot be home in the week, and it books up first.
Tell me what is broken, and send a photo of it.
Four jobs in five get priced off a photo without me coming out, which is why a photo saves you a fortnight. You will hear back within two working days with a price and a week.
Stand back far enough that I can see what it is attached to. That is the bit everyone crops out.
Working hours are Monday to Friday, eight until half past four, plus one Saturday morning a month.
Leaking, flooding or will not lock? Do not fill this in. Ring (555) 014-2203.